2011, the year I stayed in America

Unlike as written in 2010, the year I traversed the world,  I stayed in the good old United States for all 365 days of 2011. This was the first year I had done so since good ol' 2007. And now that I am reviewing that blog post, I am slightly aghast at how exciting my previous years had been compared to this last one. Abandoned warehouse party while dressed in a dress in below freezing weather with a multi-national crew in the art district of Beijing? I may very well be sitting alone at home this year - and okay with it!

The bottom line is, however, that I finally did make the move back to Los Angeles to pursue my wanton dream of acting. In many spaces, I actually introduce myself as being an actor without hesitation. It did take me nearly half of 2011 to do so - and I am currently typing this post back in San Francisco as I've returned for the brief holiday season. I have recognized that I am not a very time efficient individual and on occasion call myself an ADD Princess.

I have undergone some personality changes this past year, for better or for worse. I do believe in some instances I have become more direct and less susceptible to accepting bullshit (excuse the language). This may or may not be accelerated with my Meisner technique training in which I am trained to say what I feel about an action. On the other hand, what I feel has been sacrificed a bit over the year is the warm, gentle and caring disposition I have been known to have.

I'm grateful I have found a place I belong - my acting school and community and friends. I used to always think that actors were crazy, fruity people with whom I probably didn't fit well. But as fate would have it, I do fit in. I think for so many years I looked longingly at the groups of actors I wanted to be a part of. For so many years I always was the oddball in various other groups. I still am an oddball - but now it seems to fit. I am where I belong.

2011 is the year I became an actor.

Fireworks over the Bay Bridge in San Francisco, 1/1/2012

Daytime TV Debut!

It's not quite my favorite soap General Hospital, but it airs in the same time slot over here in Los Angeles. One day in December (the 7th, I believe), my image and voice graced the airways of selected NBC affiliates across the nation (not all of them, but most of them). Hence, I had my daytime TV debut as Leena Cook.

I'm on the losing side of a defense!

My dear TV husband did throw me under the bus with some testimony that hurt me. I ended up losing the case. There was some editing done, so you don't see the part in which I interrupt Gloria Allred's ruling to try to bring in more evidence!

What do you mean I lost??

If you are curious, you can view the episode on Netflix! Where? Well, you'll just have to ask me! I would not say this is my best acting because it simply isn't - but here's that needed start!

Reality TV is not my end goal of course, but now I can safely say that I really have been on TV. I'll also be gracing the channels of cable at some point in the future if I haven't already. A few days ago, I taped a sequence for Operation Repo in which I run about a parking lot screaming. Hopefully I'll come across the screens as a crazy nail salon owner and entertain those in the Midwest, where the show is popular.

There has been some debate over whether reality TV can be detrimental to one's career. For these roles I took, I was still playing a different character - which is in essence still acting. As long as I don't play myself as some conniving-must-hate reality persona, I feel I will be gaining some valuable experience.

Finally a Flash of Me on National Television

Fancy title of a post I have here, but don't be fooled! I still am far from even having a small bit part on a TV show - just getting those auditions is a trek for the newbies like me. However, you may have seen my previous posts about the un-glamorous life in the background. I'm pleased to report that my work has finally come to fruition on television!

This Friday (yesterday), I was on the set on Grey's Anatomy for the third time in a week. I ended my day by going to the gym - with the memory that the episode of CSI:NY I had worked on back in early October was airing tonight! So, I stayed at the gym to watch the episode. I only appeared for a very split second in the beginning, but there I was craning my eyes to see a familiar flash of me on the screen as I pounded my legs down on the elliptical. And so...I caught a glimpse of myself (with bad posture, no less)! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the very first time I actually saw myself on network television as it was airing. A small step, but a step indeed! How exciting! Of course, if you weren't specifically looking for me, you'd barely notice the Asian chick in her black suit checking out the crime scene before the judge gets gunned down.

There, do you see me?

To update my list of shows I've been an extra body for, I can add popular shows such as House, Criminal Minds, Desperate Housewives, How I Met Your Mother and Ringer. Of course, I probably won't be seen on air in light of the unfortunate out-of-frame placements and blurry background crosses. I might be visible in a couple holiday episodes of Grey's and Chuck, but I guess I'll have to wait until December for those.

If anyone spots me as Leena Cook on We the People or as myself chowing a cupcake down on Cupcake Wars, do let me know. I am poor at keeping tabs on my possible other instances of gracing the television screen.

Of course, I have some catching up to do in terms of building real television credits. The industry is all about credits! But in the meantime, I'm still there.

In my post "Life in the Background," I mentioned I was in a CF (long Korean commercial/story) with Korean superstar Lee Minho. Here is the brief moment in which you can see me in the same frame! I have a Toyota watermark on my face.

Say No to Asian Stereotypes!

Part of my ultimate goal in being in actress is to be a strong representative of Asian Americans in the media. Yes, there is that all too distant goal of being the first Asian American to win Best Actress, but I'll set my sights on goals I can more readily achieve for the time being.

It is to my great dismay when I see casting calls, breakdowns, or even sides which call for demeaning Asian stereotypes. Just recently I saw one breakdown saying "You must be okay with playing this stereotypical Asian role." Excuse me? I may be a no-name actress, but that's not okay. Is it okay to post something like "You must be okay with playing this stereotypical Black role"? No, it's not. But in this current day and age, some people still think that having stereotypical broken-English speaking Asian immigrants is funny and something Asian actors would be happy to portray.

I volunteered this past weekend at the CAPE (Coalition of Asian Pacifics in Entertainment) 20th Anniversary Gala at Union Station. Besides devolving into a shy and flustered fan at the meeting of Harry Shum, Jr (Mike Chang on Glee), I met another Asian working actor who had been on the pilot of New Girl. He was very happy about how his role was just to play a dick - a straight-up dick, no Asian reference attached. While at first I thought that was a strange thing to be happy about, I realize he was very right to be happy. It's a great feeling to be able to portray a role which doesn't somehow mock or heavily reference your ethnicity.

Totally was too shy to meet him!

I want to one day help build the strong presence of Asian Americans in Hollywood and tear down the stereotypes. I'm an Asian American whether I like it or not - and I have an inherent obligation to my community. A friend commented saying that I should just find the humor in the stereotypical roles and accept self-deprecation, but I completely disagree. I don't mind putting myself (as in me, Felicia Hom, personally) down, but I do mind putting an entire culture down and putting down hard-working immigrants who probably have had the weight of the world on their shoulders. I'm not even the most politically correct person out there - but I can't take part in shitting on my own community.

The CAPE Gala! Photo by my dear friend Steven Lam!

Filming "Medium"

This past birthday weekend of mine, I worked on the short film "Medium." All of it was shot on 35 mm film. A promotional video for the project is embedded here below, with actual story info located here on its fundraising page:

I played the supporting role of Blondie. And for your picture hungry eyes, here are a couple of photos of me in make-up on set:

I also delivered all of my lines in Cantonese - which was a trip since my Mandarin is definitely much better. So, it was my first Canto film! Woohoo! It was a fun project to work on. 
The director, Sean, also graciously sent me a few stills from the film, currently in post-production:

One big happy HK family?

Oh la la!

"Don't Settle Until You're Dead or Damn Well Close to Dead"

I've encountered a lot of great quotes in the past year or so - many of which are very inspirational. Usually these quotes come from someone established, notable, and otherwise important.

I just got back from an acting class about an hour or so ago, where I was reminded of a well quoted, "I am enough" or "You are enough."

A high school friend of mine just mentioned she encountered another long unseen high school friend randomly who said she had settled into her job.

Then this quote came to my mind:

"Don't settle until you're dead or damn well close to dead."

- Felicia Hom

Now I know I am not influential on the majority or even a small corner of the world nor do I wield any sort of credible power, so I can't really count myself as being "quotable." But as I was reminded earlier today, "I am enough." And so be my quote.

Earlier today I was also reminded over at Bill Dance Casting of that thing called passion. The way of an actor truly is a tough one - what with all the training and training that goes beyond mere acting and general immersion into the arts, but that's what one must do for something he or she loves.

Life in the Background

Background work isn't considered acting and seems to be unanimously shunned as something you should never put on your resume. Indeed!

However, I have found myself doing background work several times so far in Los Angeles. You may have seen my post earlier this summer about Japanese clubbing, in which I look nothing like an actual Japanese clubber.

Nurse Felicia... in the future Dr. Hom's scrubs (I mean my sister)

In the past couple of weeks, I have been everything from a guest at the wedding of Korean superstar Lee Minho, a nurse on "Body of Proof" and just your average gal passing in the background of "Cougartown." I must admit it was a bit cool to see Jeri Ryan and Courteney Cox as I had watched "Star Trek Voyager" and "Friends" in my youth (a time when I actually watched TV). I wasn't exactly starstruck as I have now grown used to seeing actors and actresses - but Lee Minho was a total surprise since he doesn't prance around Hollywood very much. He was of special meaning to me because he rose to fame while I was living in Seoul. I even included him on some of my English worksheets as all my students knew who he was and watched him on "꽃보다 남자." Crazy! I'd never seen any Korean stars when I lived in Korea - so unexpectedly, a couple years later, I end up seeing one in a random corner of central Los Angeles.

Agent Hom's backside might appear on "Chuck"

Background work does have some pros as I do get to see all these stars, but also get to learn more about the shooting and production process.

Now, an acquaintance of mine mumbled something to the effect of, "You don't want to be stuck in the background forever, do you?" Why, no, of course not. But until I end up actually booking the job and demonstrating that I am a better fit for various roles, it seems I will be consigned to hover in the background until I can bring the A-game. That, or make the A-game. This reminds me that I am nearing the deadline on my one-year goal statement and still have to self-produce!

Track Back to April

The following is a short we filmed for our Actors/Directors/Writers Workshop at Film Acting Bay Area. It was filmed back in April, but only has now come out with a rough cut. I was written into this at the last moment, hence I only have a small part. You can, however, briefly see my pink bunny pencil case on the desk next to my pink laptop in front of another actress. Pink power! I'm also wearing my trademark dirty pink backpack which I have dragged all around the world with me - from UCLA to Seoul to every country I visited in between in Asia and Europe and throughout China and back.

Adult Education from Doniphan Blair on Vimeo.

This may or may not be edited more as this is a rough edit.

Say Hello to September

It is the early morning of September 11, 2011 as I write this entry. I've been a bit sporadic with my updates as of late, but if you must know, here are a couple of photos taken for me by a photographer by the name of Daniel (for free!) in the last week of August:

I kind of like the messy hair. I also look very Asian and cute.

This is supposed to be my 'professional' shot. I was prepared to bring my suits, but I forgot them!

Anyway, I have a lot more shots - some featuring my pretty long silky hair and a few shots where I'm wearing glasses - like a librarian. By the way, I got a haircut in the first week of September - it's about mid length now, but it'll be long and silky again in no time. And I just changed my mind...I'll add the librarian shot...can't resist showing how much more intelligent I look with glasses my dad would have worn.

Why yes, that is my hand. What do you require?

Enough with the vapid face time, what else have I been doing? Well, I've had some various training, took a trip back home to San Francisco, am back for more various training and auditioning. I also got around to doing a wee bit more of blogging.

First, here is a brief entry on my experience with race/racism in America, posted at Rollinglobe for continuity's sake.

Finally, I started two new blogs, Acting in SF and Beginning LA Actors, dedicated to keeping both myself informed and any other beginning actor who happens to stumble across the blogs. Knowledge is power, and I fully intend to expand mine.

Oh yeah, and I tried putting together a demo reel by myself (with my purely new beginning editing skills). I do have a working version, but that begs the question - to have this demo reel or not? I definitely want more opportunities to showcase my acting chops because I know I can do better and am better than some of my various rivals. That being said, this is a continuous fight to improve and get better! I really want to get to the level where I can blow my competition out of the way instead of getting pwned! :)

Thanks to the Beer Inspector for HTML Help!

Ladies and gentlemen, after futilely searching for help on how to get rid of the jump breaks on my blog, I found help from an unlikely source - The Beer Inspector, also known as Ravish.
I scoured Google on "how to get rid of the Read More button on Blogger" and came across Ravish's posts on a forum. No one had responded to him after his multiple posts, but upon visiting his website, I saw that he had successfully removed the jump breaks.
I sent him a message and he very kindly walked me through the whole process! Not everyone would respond to random internet strangers asking for help, but he did (with a very thorough explanation!) and I am very grateful. So visit his site and marvel at one kind individual who likes to rate beer!

Some more of the beer I saw in Germany!

Battle with Trojans and Return of Shy Girl

"A Trojan is good only once, but a Bruin lasts forever." Such is the popularized slogan which the UCLA faithful will rattle off when it comes time to face USC.

But unrelated to all of that college rivalry, I'm waging a battle with the trojans nesting on my hard drive. There are times like this when I do regret buying that PC instead of the Mac I considered getting.

I do enjoy learning how to solve problems on my own, so I'm going to have this thing cleared up hopefully within a day. Yes, you may laugh at me for my apparent sluggishness, but I honestly haven't been sitting around my computer for extended periods of time lately - with today being the possible exception.

Last week, I had a record number of auditions in any given week of my life (four, with three being paying gigs). Unfortunately, I failed to yield any tangible results from them. In fact, the last audition I had on Friday involved me being called in to read for a second role. Suddenly, my nerves popped up and I could feel myself stumbling. Alas! I walked out of there with a gigantic FAIL grit on my teeth. But rest assured, I had another audition on Monday (not included in the four for last week) and I ended up booking it by means of attrition. I wasn't particularly good, but there were many roles open. So, at least I can say I finally booked something after an audition (I mean I have done so in the past, but...yeah)!

Taken with a Playsport Zx3 in studio!

All of this return of nerves leads me to realize that Shy Felicia is still nesting within me. I had thought I had broken out of my shell, but the truth is she is still nesting around - just like all of the happy little malicious trojans on my computer. One can't truly eradicate them all. She comes and goes - but I realize that's all right - as long as she can be quarantined! :)

Onward to clean computer!

The Foreign Food I Have Eaten

FOOD AND DRINK, a set on Flickr.

I have an extreme backlog of photos I took during my years abroad. A silly thing I decided to do in my hunger this evening was to go through and pick out the photos I had taken of food and drink (so far I've only gotten around to the ones taken with my 450D.) Needless to say, I am starving now. And this barely scratches the surface of all the food I've eaten and now miss - I just did not always lug my hulky camera around as I chowed down.

Social Advocacy and Responsibility

After experiencing a hair-raising and dangerous incident on the streets of Los Angeles and continued reading in the news about other senseless crimes, my mind has pondered the subject of crime. It isn't enough that we have the police (I am very grateful for their service) to catch the bad guys and throw them in increasingly crowded jails.

As long as we all live in this same society, we are responsible for preventing such things from happening - cutting down to the roots of the problem.

I'm not saying that each and every one of us must devote our lives to a higher cause and advocate to stop human trafficking and global starvation and poverty as that simply is not a realistic demand or expectation. But rather, we should each do what we can to make this world a better place to live in. If you have to ask why, just remember that you and your family and your friends are not always going to be safe.

There's really no reason why an innocent 11-year-old girl should be hit by a stray bullet while she is INSIDE her relative's house. There's no reason why she should be hit by one if she were on the street, either!

It's easy to think that we live in a world separate from the shootings and stabbings and fights, even though we may live within so many miles of kids who fall into a life full of crime and violence. And sometimes it doesn't really get real until it hits you or someone you know specifically - I mean, we are always aware in the back of our minds, but it doesn't really tug at us until we literally see and feel it. The problem is not going to go away by itself.

My goal in life is not to become an actor so I can get rich and famous. No. I've always just wanted to be able to make a difference in someone else's life. If I can do it through my personal relationships, that's good. If I can do it through my writing, that'd be great. If I can do it through acting, that'd be awesome. If I can do it through all of those ways and more, that'd be spectacular.

Of course all of this is my talk - what about action? Is it enough to just be a more decent, generous human being to those you know? That is more than nothing. Even this seemingly simple act of being a better person can be a challenge. Will it help to donate? Yes, but how much can I really donate as a starving actress (It'd probably be of more value if I was actually making money...those with capital definitely do have more power)? On another note one can always volunteer - like for Reading to Kids, an organization I volunteered with during college. Something is better than nothing, even though it may not be enough.

I truly admire the people out there who have dedicated their lives to fighting for worthy causes - and there are many. From my brief year stint as a teacher, I have developed mad respect for those who fuel their time in raising the young. I am truly humbled by those who are contributing to making this world a better place - and saving humanity.

First Impressions and the Mindset of an Entrepreneur

Since my last post, a number of different events have unfolded in my life - some great, some tiring, and some downright horrifying.

I write today after a full day at the Hollywood Nextgen Conference held at my alma mater UCLA. The conference was full of bright and driven individuals. Basically I took away a few key points, for myself and in general.

1. Specificity is key.

• This point was stressed by several of the speakers and panelists. Ask what do others need and explain specifically what you do.
• No one really has time to waste on you if you can't be specific. The same goes for actors - actors need to be specific.

2. Work your ass off.

• Is ass still a bad word? But yes, you get the drift - do it all day. As I sat there, I thought of all the long hours which are required in a multitude of industries. There's always going to be this culture of having to hustle and compete. Digression: This reminds me of a lecture one of my professors at UCLA gave on how even though technology has expanded and has supposedly made life easier - people still work long and hard hours.
• Personal reminder: I have chosen a path that will not be forgiving to slackers. 

3. Have humility and empathy.

• This seems to be a general rule of thumb, but we all know that not everyone heeds to this point!

4. Risk it all and just do it.

• Arguably could be the #1 reason I put up here, but I listed them in no particular order. Scooter Braun, manager for Justin Bieber, stressed this, as did Chris Jacquemin from William Morris Entertainment. Mr. Jacquemin said if he could go back and do it over again, he would've just gone straight into entrepreneurship.
• Personal lesson: I had better do this (re: acting and/or other unmentioned endeavors).

And just for my sake, I had better keep up to date on technology news as well as those financial markets. It's always better to be well informed.

As for first impressions, especially in networking environments, I definitely need to work on being more confident. I lack confidence in certain situations - not always as I do seem to gel in others. Nonetheless, being the confused and ditzy girl that I sometimes unintentionally project myself to be is not always the best scenario. The best way to rectify this is to actually have that clear and specific goal as to what I am doing in addition to the wealth of knowledge I must acquire.

Within the past few weeks, I started Meisner Technique training (I went straight from the conference to class and got home about an hour ago). I seem to give off this reserved and polite vibe in class despite that not always being the case, depending on the group. I realized today that I'm the girl whose name is easily forgotten. I mean, my goal isn't necessarily to have people remember me "HI, I AM FELICIA AND I HAVE LIVED ABROAD AND TRAVELED BY MYSELF AND I AM EDUCATED BUT DECIDED I WANTED TO ACT AND SEE ALL THE CHALLENGES AHEAD" (Please let this not be the first Google search match pop up for my name! ...I just erased the HOM after FELICIA in hopes this will not be!) and have me stamped in their brains as I'm there to learn how to act - but it seems in any business or industry I really do have to be my own promoter. It seems I still do have to break that shell as it opens and closes. But really, why would I want to be that nameless quiet face who sits in the corner?

"A Fragile Dream"

Last weekend, I shot a couple of scenes for a short film called "A Fragile Dream." As I promised in one of my blogs, I'd post some pictures - so here is the post. I only had a couple of lines, but it still took many hours! I played a Chinese teacher who spoke English and then a family friend who spoke Chinese.

Teaching is hard! I know this as I once was one.

It was a good amount of fun as the cast and crew were all amazing. It is hard to shoot with kids, though! I'm glad they were good sports.

My expression sure is charming right here.

As a reward for the hours of hard work, I got to take home some organic oranges and grapefruits fresh from the tree of the nice woman named Vicki who had let us shoot in her backyard. Yay for homegrown fruit!

Again with a charming expression!

I've also met a cool group of fellow actors/directors who hold their own workshop to practice. It has been fun - we didn't end until 2 am yesterday! I'm also going to start taking class at the Joann Barron/D.W. Brown studio next week. It means I'll have to commute to Santa Monica, so we'll see how this all works out!

And lastly, in other news - I recommend all Los Angeles based people to check out the "Art in the Streets" exhibit at the MOCA in Little Tokyo. It reminded me how crazy artists must be - but at the same time, how much detail and genius must be put in to those works of art.

It took a certain level of crazy to achieve this. On that note, I should bring my actual camera with me to capture these works of art...I haven't taken it with me anywhere at all these past few months! Shame on me.

Meant to Be Here

Have you ever woken up and wondered what the hell you were doing with your life? (excuse the language, my conservative readers) The first thought on your mind when you wake is literally one of panic, confusion, or doubt.

But have you ever had a moment where you felt that you were meant to be there at that very moment, right there and then?

I had one of those moments this past Monday at a free improv workshop in Hollywood which I decided to attend at the last minute. I didn't know a single other soul there, and yet I stood on stage with all of them as songs were sung with lots of energy and handsome French men looked on, unable to sing along to these silly American songs. It was one of those moments where I remembered I love performing - and that I belonged there. Forget the fact that my time in life has led me to far off places and paths and that I'm not an established somebody in a particular field who is getting married next week. That's all right. This was how it was meant to be.

The improv workshop was great because it reminded me I can be funny. Awesome! It also was special because the director proposed to his girlfriend on stage at the end. That's something I've never seen in my life before - a live proposal. I suppose there's always a first for everything.

This past weekend, after the Japanese clubbing extra bit below, I also shot a few scenes for a short film. Pictures and details to come once I get them!

In the meantime, as I drive down the boulevards of Burbank, Glendale, and Los Angeles and blast mainstream music...I am once again motivated to start on my projects. I must adhere to my goal statement!

Japanese Clubbing!

Well, not really. I, among many Asian-blooded Los Angeles citizens (as well as a few non-Asians), converged in Downtown LA to be an extra for a Fox TV pilot.

I was supposed to be a Japanese club-goer in Tokyo. Apparently none of the outfits I brought were up to Japanese clubbing standard (I also realize I don't have normal clubbing clothes with me), so I was dolled up with a lime green halter dress, flowery jacket, and yellow heels and had mucho fun not looking like my normal self. I had a pretty kooky get-up, if kooky is a real word - but it was fun.

I didn't realize my hair could be teased to have so much volume. By the time I had looked in the mirror and subsequently snapped this poor quality camera phone image of myself, I looked pretty worn and crazy! We didn't actually do any "clubbing" - but rather walked about on the supposed streets of Tokyo.

Extra work won't really help me advance my acting career, but it is still fun as it's a great opportunity to meet new people and chat. There is the additional pain of walking around in uncomfortable high heels for hours and sleeping at dawn, but no pain no gain as the saying goes.

Also, just for kicks - here is a photo of me during my only true trip to Tokyo. For some reason, I didn't really have many pictures of myself taken - and none with the neon lights and visually appealing parts of the city. The young man standing next to me is a random Australian musician I had met at my hostel. Take note of my fashion disaster! I later tossed those Converse shoes in the trash in Thailand as I had gotten them wet and smelly. I actually did go to a bar/club in Tokyo and that's actually a funny and disastrous story which I would have to tell in person if I didn't already. Sorry Internet!

(a following blog post will appear in a moment detailing other aspects of my recent [acting] life momentarily)

National Asian American Theater Conference

I had a blast volunteering for the SF Asian American Film Festival earlier this year and decided to volunteer for the National Asian American Theater Conference and Festival, this time in LA. The conference ran for a whole week, but I was only able to volunteer at the end as I had work during the weekdays. The festival showcased a number of performances - all varied and sometimes puzzling and incomprehensible. But it was great to see so many different faces - I even saw one of my former professors at UCLA at the show I was ushering for earlier today.

It's always great to see live performances. I personally love it when I can see the hard work reflected before me, no matter how small the stage is. I also saw a fair share of athletic body movement on stage - needless to say I'm not able to do those flips and rolls!

I also realize I'm being rather vague and dry on my blog at the moment. Perhaps it is because I am wary of the ever decreasing privacy of the large place we know as the internet. And although I do own a DSLR, I never seem to lug it around so I always have to resort to using my low-tech camera phone to snap images. Sorry about that. What's a blog without good pictures?