Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Three year anniversary of dad's passing.

Is it just another ordinary day? Well, we celebrate birthdays...and as you've seen in Harry Potter, there's such a thing as a deathday.

Three years have passed since what perhaps was the longest day of my life. My emotions that day ranged from panic, fear, hopelessness, shock, and numbness. A year later, I still cried about it, remembering what happened. Last year, I still cried and just felt sad. A few months later, I wrote an essay in Chinese for my class about that day and my teacher cried. I did too, as I was asked to read it out loud because it was well written. But this year, I didn't cry. If I think about it, I might. But for now I'll just concentrate on the good.

I'm really grateful for anyone who supported me during that time and the following months. There were only so many - but I know it's really hard to comfort someone in that kind of situation, especially if you've never been in it yourself. I'll never forget anyone's kindness in that time. I only wish I could have been there as a better friend when my own friends suffered that kind of loss.

My dad is gone, but it's almost like he's never left. He lives on in my memory. We still laugh about him, in a good way. His old glasses are still in the house, as are his books - old science textbooks mostly, from the 70s. We'll have to get rid of them eventually, though, as we will have to move at some point. But I felt sad leafing through them.

Today in my new acting class, we were reminded that life (er, acting) really is all a journey. If it's your passion and you really love it, stick with it. You'll never know where you'll be next. Yes, my dad would scoff at me if I ever told him I wanted to act and he'd tell me not to be craaaaazy (as he said it). But I guess he'd love me all the same.

Daddy, I'm still thinking of you.

(My sister: But today's the 18th.... So me: it's tomorrow??...My bad. January 19, 2008. That is the date. Blog edits are in order!)


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