Saturday, February 12, 2011

Auditioning in tears

I had two auditions today, as I mentioned in yesterday's post. The first one went...reasonably not well. I felt quite stale in the delivery of my monologue, like I had been zapped out of all my emotions. The improv (where I get angry that my roommate has brought home inorganic wine for our party) which followed also seemed a bit off. Needless to say, I wasn't in top form at all.

I then directly proceeded to my second audition a little bit away. I was asked to play a teenager - the object of contention of two rival teenage boys. There is supposed to be a kissing I'll have someone a good eight years my junior kiss me! Who knows (I have been required to kiss someone more than 20 years my senior in a show). I then did my monologue again, but this time I had a break down - probably not because of my acting skills, but from all the pent up emotion of the last twenty-four hours. It was like a catharsis almost.

I then rushed to make it to my scene rehearsal. At A.C.T., there also happened to be the regional auditions for the MFA programs (Yale, Harvard, USC, etc) from around the nation. Needless to say, people who really want to study acting showed up. Maybe I imagined it, but you could tell these people had that artistic, different kind of air. It also reminded me of the difference in level which must be needed to make it into one of those problems. I also began to question again what it is I'm doing with my life - and the fear of the unknown - and the fear of never finding love. There was one actor-couple who seemed perfectly fit for each other in appearance; they even dressed similarly - and they sat together in the corner admiring the sun. I was, on a very small level, a bit jealous of that.

So I've been back home - I completed an entry about dating in Asia as part of my editorial internship and dropped a few more tears (the reason I may disclose to my friends). My mother's been chatting about me with her friends over the phone, all within clear earshot of me. Needless to say she tells them how I'm chasing my dreams but how I'm just foolish and stupid. Well, I can't let that be the word on the street, now can I?


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