The City of Angels

Today was the final class of a five-week session I signed up for at A.C.T. During the break, my teacher asked me how I was. I told him about my heartbreak of the past week and also how I was planning to move back to Los Angeles at some point. He, however, is a real advocate of the theater over film - as he believes that theater is a lot more fair to the actors. This is true, of course. Also, he told me that I shouldn't starve, so finding a good financial job would be a good idea. I also think this is true.

So I want to act, yes I do. But do I want to subject my life and career to an industry where 99% of those in the union are unemployed at a given time? Where someone can walk in and get hired just because they are absolutely more gorgeous than I am?

My teacher said I could do both. This was my plan of action, too. I mean, I still want to establish myself in the professional realm of actually being able to earn a living. I once said I wanted power. I'm an intelligent person. Do I have that business personality, though? I suppose it's all about mentality.

I thought about how nice it'd be, just to be a working professional. I'd do my job and hopefully be doing something helpful to the world as well. Then with my life being stable on the work side, I'd be able to find the love of my life, get married, and have kids.

Then as I was crossing the street today, I remembered an acquaintance of mine who is going to be awarded for his dedication the Asian American community. I thought about it - and the truth is that people who do good to the world, community, and society around them always make me weep internally at their awesomeness. I am humbled.

I really respect those who are able to live for a goal which will not just help themselves, but rather will exact change and a positive influence on the lives of others. I love those teachers out there, and my being one briefly showed me just how hard it is to be a teacher. Then we have those nurses and doctors who really care about their patients. The list goes on.

I performed a scene from "Damsels in Distress" in class. I played the role of Julie-Ann, an engaged woman whose fiancee ultimately realizes that he doesn't love her. It's a comedy, by the way.

After class, as I waited to take the bus home. Yes, I can drive, but sometimes public transportation isn't a big hassle. A man stopped to give a homeless man one of his grocery bags; then after checking his pockets to see if he had enough fare for the bus, he then handed some extra money to the man. I really felt like this guy was a better human being than I was.

I want to be able to do it all. I want to be a better person, someone who is more conscious and loving. I want to help others. I want to be an actress. I want to be a high-powered successful business woman, financial professional  - you name it. But, the biggest thing that I still want is love. Am I going to find that in the City of Angels? 

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